BSA 204 W15 : Group Feedback on Treatment

So we read out my treatment today, not something I was looking forward to in the least, but I think it did end up being a very good experience and everyone being positive and constructive was really cool and helped me not fear that type of humiliation so much anymore.

I had a weird experience with the treatment reading, going through a couple of stages:

1) Hating it completely and wishing it would end, felt like no one was getting the story or even following along. This whole time I spent wanting it to end and feeling just completely humiliated. I hated the script with a passion and thought it was so boring and poorly written. I kept thinking of ways to try and fix the mess I made but wasn't sure why and thought I should just quite going in the direction I was at all, if I was to write I should just do shitty comedies.

2) Then things changed and I distanced myself, listening to it being read aloud I felt the same kinda feelings I did when writing it and actually liked it a lot, I became steadfast in my opinion of the piece and felt that what I had written was, in fact, good and that I would stand by the things I wrote as I felt they were necessary and made sense to the story.

A strange experience to say the least, but at the end everyone gave really awesome feedback and I felt elated by it, my views changed a bit and I saw things I didn't before. It was a very good experience for me because this has always been like my biggest fear and I've skipped class in the past not to have to go through the humiliation that I have at times experienced with script read-throughs.

Feedback:

1) Ending needs to change in terms of how forgiving the boy is, and the damage that the dad does. The mum's arm doesn't have to break, she can be pushed back, but not to such a damaging degree. The boy needs to confront the dad properly about his actions and not immediately invite him back inside, if anything the dad should be the one asking to play with them. 

2) The script is a bit long, there are obvious scenes that can be cut - the post man bit at the beginning and the bit where the dad just comes out of prison and asks the guard for a ride. 

3) The rules of the world are never established or explained, this is something I knew would be a problem and it's something I'm not sure should be fixed, we'll see. 

4) The perspective feels a bit like it changes, I tried to ensure it doesn't and yet in the script it does feel sudden when we return to James after the dad storms off. I need to ensure he always has a sense of agency. The story is told from his perspective well enough, but he is often in the background, looking on, which isn't great for the story. A great suggestion was that I should make James speak up in the dinner scene as well and maybe have him support his dad, he feels grown up and like he now has the right to speak. This could give him more guilt when things go south and put him in his place a bit. I think its very good for the audience investment to see the character make a mistake like that as well. 

5) When he talks to the younger siblings there should be a bit more of a beat where he realises that he's acting like his father before he decides to have fun with them. This is the big turning point of the script and the wrapping up of his arc, I shouldn't skim over it so quickly.