BSA 204 W12 : The 'I Saw Hell' 15 Page Version

Had another one-on-one with Patrick again today, I showed him my rough beat sheet of I Saw Hell, he made it clear that this is supposed to a 15 minute long piece of writing, whether that be short film, TV pilot or an entire web-series in the time limit. He also mentioned that there are usually ad-breaks, so every 5 minutes I would have an ad and have to write the story to provide cliffhangers after each segment.

After talking to him a bit I figured out how to do this in such a short period of time, up until now I've just been working off the assumption that it could possibly be a longer form TV pilot.

Anyway here is what I cut out:

1) He Wakes
2) We Gotta Talk
3) New Rules
4) Go to Work / Flashback #1
5) Sneak of to Drug Dealer / Flashback #2
6) Back to the Doctor's Office / Flashback #3
7) Second Night, haunting niece now - he 'saves' her
8) It's something else, have to speak to a spiritual professional - contacts the Christian nurse

9) Confronts the demon

I think by cutting it back to these basic points it shows the same character arc, and his more slippery behaviour can be inferred by the way he acts at the start and the way other characters - like his brother - treat him. 

So new step-outline:

1) He wakes up after seeing hell in a hospital, greeted by a Christian nurse

2) He rages and demands to see doctor, after what has happened, his family is there trying to stop him, he confronts the doc.

3) He gets a talk by his brother who takes him home and ensures he is housebound. They have a talk outlining what he should change and what the themes are.

4) He is convinced he's been followed, and can't sleep, his niece can't either and he sees it in her closet as well as she does. Takes her downstairs and realizes it's attached to him.

5) He confronts the demon.

So that gives me about three pages for each of these beats. 

Development towards Treatment:

1) We are treated to a scene which showcases hell, the lawyer finds himself in the middle of this and breaks down in shock. He wakes in a hospital bed, sweating and hot. A nurse is close he immediately demands water and asks her what the hell happened to him. She tells him he had a drug overdose and he asks her if she believes in the supernatural, he doesn't tell her exactly what happened, but she reveals she is indeed a Christian. He asks her if she believes in hell, she says she believes in both heaven and hell. He sees something in the corner of the room and demands to know what it is, she sees nothing and he starts panicking. He's hallucinating, but the thing is getting closer - he has to see the doctor!

2) He runs out into the halls towards the doctor's office, the nurse tries to halt him but fails to do this, he runs into his family and immediately retreats, asking her what the hell they're doing here. She obviously doesn't know, but expresses concern for his safety, he sees the thing floating down the hall and sets of running again, right into his young niece. Oh no, she's very excited, he isn't, although tries being nice. She thought he was sleeping, she yells for her parents to come see uncle - oh no...They all follow him down the hall. He goes into the doctor's office, locking everyone else out and demands of the doctor to tell him what happened to him. The doctor reveals that he died and was technically dead for a while, he is furious and accuses the doctor of malpractice. 

-- Would be a good place for some horror snare and an ad break when the doctor says that he died for three minutes, dun dun dun --

3) The brother takes him home and sits him down, explaining the new rules - he is not going to his own apartment and will stay with this wholesome family until he is completely detoxed. He tries to kick the pricks and desperately tries to explain that something is not right after his surgery. The brother will have none of it and puts his foot down. 

4) He can't sleep and thinks he's seeing things, gets some food and the niece walks into the kitchen, scared, saying there's something in her closet. He says he's been having some bad dreams too, it's just been while he's awake now. He tucks her in and looks at the closet, the demon is in there. He asks her again if she sees something there now, she says yes, almost in tears. He tells her she needs some hot cocoa or something and takes her downstairs. Tucking her in on the couch watching TV. He goes back into the room.

-- Ad break when he sees the thing in the closet too --

5) He confronts the demon demanding to know what has happened to him, asking what it wants. It outlines that his soul is set for hell, but that it has a way out of that fate. He listens.