BSA204 W4 : A Girl Called Jane Gets a (Beat)ing (Sheet)

We had Duncan teach us some screenwriting again today and went over what some of the class wrote last time - where they were provided with the start of a story and were allowed to develop it from thereon out, creating a short treatment in the process.

The aim of this activity was to adhere to the core elements of story that we learned last session, these being:

Goal

Conflict

Resolution

Re-Incorporation 

Logic 

Character Arc/Growth

Simplicity

Audience to Care

The story set-up was:

A girl called Jane finds a watch with an engraving on the back. It's an expensive and well made piece, she decides to take it home and keep it. Unfortunately a shady individual comes looking for it and tracks it down to her, this person as well as an old lady both have some kind of connection to the watch and it is up to the girl to make a choice about giving it to either or keeping her newfound treasure.

I didn't get a chance to do this because wasn't part of that session, but listening to everyone else's I formed a story that I would have written.

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"I Saw Hell" Pilot:

The man wakes up in a shock in the recovery room, a nurse rushes to his side. She asks him what's wrong - he's been screaming. He asks for water, he is extremely thirsty. She notes his sweating and high temperature, he drinks the whole jug of water. 

What happened? She tells him that after a drug overdose, technically he was dead for three minutes, this sends him into another bout of stress, he tells her he saw some crazy shit. She asks him what, not entirely confident in telling her he asks if she is religious - born again she responds. 

He reveals that during his unconscious state he had seen what he can only describe as hell. Connections are made, he realizes that he's fucked up his life, he has so much sin to repay for. She says he can just repent, he reveals that he is a criminal lawyer, his life is built on deception and his free time blocked up by sinful activity. 

The lawyer sees a dark figure moving behind the curtains down the hallway, it slowly comes closer. He asks the nurse who that is. She says that she doesn't see anyone, he gets uncomfortable and starts fidgeting. The thing is gliding off the floor.

He decides its time to leave the hospital and get out, she tries to stop him - he needs rest and can't depart without the Doctor's OK. These please fall on deaf ears and he jolts out of bed. 

The lawyer makes his way down the hallway, looking back the dark floating figure is wrapped in blue hospital curtains, it's shape undefined. He starts running through the halls, leading through to the main corridor of the hospital, the nurse follows yelling for him to stop. 

Whatever it is that he saw is chasing him, he rounds a corner and it's there, he changes course. He frantically tries to escape the hospital, running into people and knocking things over, all while the thing slowly starts looking more and more like a demon. 

He runs past the nurse at one intersection, yelling that something followed him back. No one else seems able to see it, everyone just thinks he's off his nut.

Finally he reaches the front doors, but before he can exit he topples over a doctor. The nurse follows after, seeing both on the ground. The doctor and him recognize each other, the lawyer is his patient. 

He asks what's going on, and why the lawyer is out of bed. The lawyer tells him that whatever happened to him during surgery fucked him up, he saw visions and is now imagining an evil entity chasing him down. He demands this be fixed.

Behind the demon slowly floats down the stairway. The doctor is unsure and says he doesn't know what's wrong with the man, furious the lawyer claims that he is suing the entire hospital and leaves promptly.  

The man finds his car, and drives home. He keeps looking in the rear view mirror, now and then the demon makes itself known. At home he takes a shower and tries to calm himself, it's nothing he tells himself. Unfortunately there are now sounds and objects moving in his house, scared and unable to rest he drives off again, into work this time.

He approaches his boss at work who is preparing to go home and tells him what he's experienced at the hospital and that he wants to take it to court. The boss tries to calm him down, he is panicky and furious. The boss tells him he will allow him the lawsuit, but then he has to take care of a particularly nasty criminal case for him, a killer that needs to get off clean because of his organised crime connections. 

He agrees, but starts seeing the demon again. It chases him down and he ends up in a cupboard, the demon comes closer and he cowers away from it, unable to hide or run. Surprisingly it speaks. 

It knows his name and knows his situation, it tells him that there is way out of hell. One just needs to even the odds and repay the debt that is owed. This means taking some sinful lives to pay for his own. He asks whether or not this will get him out of hell, the demon confirms this again. 

He agrees.

- End of pilot -